My Unravished Bride

This topic contains 5 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  dragonfly 1 year, 11 months ago.

Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • #840
    Richard Epstein
    Richard Epstein
    Participant

    Medusa’s head above the door

    Has stoned the crows and salesmen, too;

    But no one ever rocked me more

    Than igneous, impassive you,

     

    Though permanent now as headstones cut

    With mottoes, there beside my walk,

    So poets can imagine what

    Art would sound like if it could talk.

     

    Medusa once was fair herself

    And drove the bright boys wild with lust.

    Like you now, from her warden shelf,

    She flakes in petrifying dust.

     

    RHE

    #841
    Martin Rocek
    Martin Rocek
    Participant

    Medusa’s head above the door
    Has stoned the crows and salesmen, too;
    But no one ever rocked me more
    Than igneous, impassive you,

    Though permanent now as headstones cut
    With mottoes, there beside my walk,
    So poets can imagine what
    Art would sound like if it could talk.

    Medusa once was fair herself
    And drove the bright boys wild with lust.
    Like you now, from her warden shelf,
    She flakes in petrifying dust.

    RHE

    I think that is easier to read.

    I like it, but have some nits:
    Not sure that the title adds much.
    S1L2 “too” is clearly added just for rhyme. Aside from that, S1 is clever and well done.
    S2L1/L2 enjambment is a bit awkward, and the last two lines of S2 seem very predictable.
    S3 is great. Not quite sure what a warden shelf is, but I don’t think that I need to be.

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by Martin Rocek Martin Rocek.
    #873

    JanetK
    Participant

    Richard, That’s hilarious.  And Picasso CAN draw.  Neat. Worth its space just for ‘igneous, impassive you’

     

    Triffic.

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  JanetK.
    #875
    Richard Epstein
    Richard Epstein
    Participant

    See, now I thought you’d particularly like “stoned the crows.”

    RHE

    #879

    JanetK
    Participant

    I have two crows who haunt my door.  I would probably not stone them. They soak slices of wholemeal bread in the bird bath.  Who knows what they are thinking?

    #886

    dragonfly
    Participant

    I’ve come back to this one numerous times and always enjoy it : “but no one every rocked me more/Than igneous, impassive you” makes me smile every time.

    My only quibble is with the tranistion from S1 to S2…especially because you capitalize “Though” (I know…that’s the way you roll), I had to backtrack to read it correctly and remind myself the stanza applied to the “you.” I kept wanting to replace “Though” with “You’re” or something so that I could glide right into S2 making that connection.

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